


The Formula One Sex Ed Class

by Quagswagging



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Awkwardness, Condoms, Crack, Fluff, Gen, Lots of cute couples, M/M, Multi, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 02:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16296164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quagswagging/pseuds/Quagswagging
Summary: Kimi and Sebastian decide they need to explain a thing or two to the younger drivers after walking in on Max and Valtteri.Chaos ensues.





	The Formula One Sex Ed Class

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't take me serious anymore xD
> 
> This was just needed to try some more pairings, I have to say I really like Lance/Sergey and Stoff/Esteban :3

“Hello…” Charles greeted awkwardly as he entered the meeting room, which looked an awful lot like a classroom at the moment. He passed Sebastian and Kimi and sat down at the desk next to Pierre, who looked equally awkward. Max was sagged on a chair behind him, his legs twitching restlessly and his hoodie pulled over his head, Valtteri was next to him, his cheeks flushed red already as he nervously watched the Dutchman.

Lance and Esteban were looking equally mortified as they were hiding at the back of the room, both already blushing even though nothing had been said yet. Carlos was more at the front, looking grumpy and bored as he tapped a pencil on his table.

George and Lando were present as well, the two newbies seated next to each other and looking extremely confused as to what they were doing here.

“Alright. Well I guess you all know why you’re here today.” Sebastian eventually started.

“Because you walked in on Max and Valtter and now think we’re all idiots.” Carlos said with very fake enthusiasm, turning to look at the two men in question, who didn’t seem to notice the accusing glances Valtteri softly said something to Max, who bit his lip a little shyly and rested his head on the Finn’s shoulder, both looking very much in love

“Yes, it’s about time we teach all of you babies about… well, sex.” Seb ended awkwardly. Kimi snorted,.

“You should have been a teacher, you rock at this.” he said sarcastically. Sebastian flipped him off. 

“You do it then.” he grumbled with a pout.Kimi shrugged.

“Sure, I have more experience with the subject anyway.” the Finn said. Sebastian wanted to make a remark about it, but then Nando and Jenson came in, dragging very reluctant looking Stoffel and Kevin after them. Marcus followed after them too, looking far too amused with it the whole situation. 

“Why you no include my waffle and bunny?” Fernando asked the Ferrari drivers grumpily. “Need to know about sex too!:” he added. Sebastian sighed, while Stoffel and Kevin looked mortified.

“Fine, stay.” he decided, gesturing at the remaining tables

Stoffel walked over to Lance and Esteban, sitting down next to them. The Frenchman smiled and shyly linked their hands together, scooting a little closer. The two had bonded over their struggles with finding seats, and were now closer than anyone had ever expected. Lance beamed at them, before waving enthusiastically as Sergey came in, the Russian nodding before walking over to him and quietly sitting down.

“Hi.” Lance greeted with a beaming smile, leaning in to peck Sergey’s lips, but hesitating at the last moment, knowing the Russian .wasn’t too fond of PDA. 

“Hello.” Sergey answered softly, wrapping an arm around Lance’s shoulders and gently kissing him, earning a beaming grin from the younger man..

Kevin grumpily let Marcus pull him to some other seats. Marcus chuckled and kissed the Dane’s temple.

“Who knows, might learn a new trick.” he said with a chuckle. Kevin just huffed, but settled against Marcus’s side

“Now that we’re finally comple-” Kimi started.

“I’m here.” Nico announced as he burst into the room. Carlos immediately perked up a little and immediately made grabby hands in Nico’s direction, the German walking over and drawing the Spaniard into a searing kiss. 

“And that’s why we’re here to give you sex ed.” Kimi deadpanned.

Everyone eventually settled down, and Kimi and Seb hesitated, unsure where to start. Fernando noticed and stood up.

“Let me.” he said, walking over to the whiteboard. He took a pen and started drawing.

“This is a penis.” he said as he turned around. George choked on a sip of water while Lando squeaked and sank lower into his chair. Kevin badly covered a snort with a cough while Stoffel’s cheeks turned a bright red.

The drawing was not exactly a masterpiece and quite oddly shaped. Sebastian turned to Jenson with a cheeky smile.

“If that’s what yours looks like, you better get it checked out.” he said. Jenson managed to keep a straight face.

“You’ve seen it, you know what it looks like.” he only answered. Sebastian blushed a deep red and turned to Kimi with an anxious expression.

“Kimi, I-”

“Seen it too.” Kimi interrupted with a shrug. “And Nando’s” he added nonchalantly. The Spaniard huffed and smacked the back of Kimi’s head.

“Shut up!” he grumbled.

“I should have brought popcorn.” Max mused softly to Valtteri, who repressed a smile.

“I’ve got the popcorn!” Daniel announced as he rushed into the room, pulling an extremely reluctant looking Jean-Eric after him.

“Sit!” Kimi ordered. Daniel saluted him and quickly rushed to the back of the room, distributing bags of popcorn as he went. 

“Carry on!” he announced as he flopped down on a chair, Jev sitting down next to him with an exasperated smile. Fernando glared at them and cleared his throat.

“Si eh... “ his words faltered. Kimi sghed.

“Let’s just show them how a fucking condom works and get out of here.” he grumbled, reaching for a crate of bananas. 

“You! Lando, is it? Bring these around.” he said gruffly. Lando scurried to the front with wide eyes, taking the crate and heading around the room to give everyone a banana, while Seb followed after him to distribute packets of condoms.

“I need a bigger banana!” Carlos announced. Fernando frowned at him.

“Why?” he asked. Carlos grinned angelically. 

“Well, Nico’s cock-” Nico smashed his hand over Chili’s mouth.

“Let’s not finish that sentence.” he sighed.

Charles was meanwhile pretending to know what the hell was going on. Him and Pierre had been dating for a while now, but he had never dared to go further than some making out. He theoretically knew how to do everything, but he had close to none real life experience. 

Pierre noticed his apprehension and squeezed his hand.

“I’ll help you.” he whispered. Charles let out a shaky breath and nodded. Pierre tore open the condom and slipped it on the banana, moving slowly to show Charles.

Kimi meanwhile took a banana and a condom as well and ripped the foil open with his teeth.

“It’s easy, you just slip it on like so.” he said, demonstrating with practised ease. 

“Done!” Dan yelled, waving his banana around. 

Lance was smacking Sergey in the face with the condom, laughing and giggling while Russian sighed, his banana already with a condom neatly wrapped over it. Sergey caught the Canadian’s wrists and distracted Lance by softly kissing his lips. Lance blushed a little, but quickly kissed his teammate a second time.

Stoffel and Esteban meanwhile awkwardly kept glancing at each other, both blushing like mad as they slipped the condoms onto the bananas. Stoffel gave Esteban a slightly awkward smile as they placed the bananas down again, and hesitantly placed his hand on top of the Frenchman’s, who beamed and turned his palm around to link their fingers together.

Nico had meanwhile decided to eat his banana, claiming he had more than enough experience already, and was grinning a Carlos easily slipped the condom onto the banana in his hand. 

Kevin glared at the German.

“I can do it with my mouth.” he grumbled challengingly, before trying to do so and almost choking in process. Marcus worriedly rubbed his back a little, but Kevin swatted his hand away, cheeks flushed Nico only raised his eyebrow at him, before scooting a little closer to Carlos, nuzzling the man’s neck. The Spaniard giggling and beaming as he cuddled back into the German.

“You sure you’re okay?” Marcus meanwhile asked Kevin worriedly. Kevin glared.

“Yes, yes, fine.” he huffed. Marcus sighed, bringing a reluctant Kevin into his arms.

“I don’t care, you know?” he whispered, pressing a kiss in the crook of Kevin’s neck. “You’re perfect to me.” Kevin let out a soft noise, his cheeks even more red now. Marcus chuckled at the expression, before humming as Kevin pecked his lips.

“Love you” Kevin murmured ever so softly.

“Love you too, dork.”

The sweet moment was broken by Max, who was laughing uncontrollably. The condom he had gotten was not pushed around the banana, but was blown up like a balloon. Valtteri was watching him, a slightly amused smile playing around his lips, and leaned in to press a kiss to the Dutchman’s temple.

Kimi sighed when he saw all the chaos and turned to Sebastian.

“I think we just have to be happy none of them can get pregnant.” he grumbled. Sebastian snorted and nodded in agreement, scooting a little closer to Kimi to clasp their hands together.

“They’re a bit hopeless.” he agreed. “But at least they’re all happy.” he added with a soft smile.

The only two who didn’t look particularly happy at the moment where Lando and George, the two newbies both still looking quite horrified as they glanced around the room. 

Jenson and Nando noticed, and the latter headed over. Lando saw the Spaniard coming over and squeaked, trying to hide under the table. George, who was much taller, did not have that luxury, and could only smile awkwardly. Nando tutted when he saw both men hadn’t touched the condoms.

“Need to learn!” he scolded. George pulled a face and looked around for an exit, while Lando still sat sagged in his chair, only his eyes peeking out above the table. Nando frowned at them for a moment, before his face softened.

“Should have known you are too young still.” he muttered, patting George’s cheek for a moment, the Brit looking more than confused, before moving over to Lando, who eyed him unsurely.

“Are so small!” Nando cooed, pulling Lando’s chair back to be able to gather him in his arms. Lando grumbled at being called little, but did cuddle into Fernando’s embrace. 

“Look Charles! Someone is cuter than you!” Daniel exclaimed with a chuckle. Charles, who had just found the courage to open the condom’s package, yelped at the loud exclamation and promptly dropped the condom again. Who looked over at Lando and pouted a little when he saw not only Nando, but also Jenson and Seb and Kimi. 

Pierre saw his Monégasque looking at them and chuckled. 

“You’re still the cutest, mon petit.” he murmured teasingly, pressing a kiss to Charles’s jaw. Charles repressed a smile and contently cuddled into Pierre’s side. Kimi and Seb walked over to them. 

“Don’t be jealous, silly.” Seb cooed, smoothing Charles’s hair a little. Charles smiled contently when also Kimi rubbed his back.. 

“Well that was very educational.” Jev spoke up, getting up from his chair and tugging Daniel after him. “Think we’re going for some practical use of the information.” he said with a angelic smile. Daniel’s grin was even wider than usual, his arm slung over the Frenchman’s slim waist. 

Most of the of the other drivers stood up as well, all clinging on to their significant others with equally angelic expressions.

Carlos jumped on Nico’s back as they headed out the room, both giggling as Carlos pressed his face in the crook of Nico’s neck, his legs wrapped around the German’s waist. 

Max and Valtteri headed out too, even with Kimi’s stern expression aimed at them. 

Lance was already pulling Sergey towards the exit too, only turning to say goodbye to Esteban and Stoffel.

“You want to get out too?” Stoffel asked Esteban almost shyly, trailing his fingers over the inside of Esteban’s wrist. Esteban bit his lip but nodded.

“Yeah… let’s go…”

Charles had meanwhile finally successfully wrapped a condom over a banana, and was beaming at Pierre, who smirked and raised his eyebrow.

“Want to try this somewhere else again?” he purred. Charles blushed but then nodded, promptly taking Pierre’s hand and pulling him away.

Kevin had meanwhile already crawled onto Marcus’s lap, his arms wrapped around the taller man’s neck as they kissed. 

Fernando slammed his hand over Lando’s eyes when he noticed, gesturing for Jenson to do the same with George. 

“Better get the babies out of here too.” the Spaniard mused, herding George and Lando out of the room. 

Sebastian quickly headed after them, while Kimi frowned at the two Northern boys some more.

“Be safe.” he grumbled, before throwing a good 15 condoms in their direction and headed out the door.

His job here was done.


End file.
